It's funny how just ocassionally you will come across someone online that just makes you insane. When I say insane, I mean full on psychotic rage induced pounding at the keyboard in impotent fury whilst wishing that it came equiped with a Kill button, insane. I have met that person today and it actually startled me, the level on which I suddenly and absolutely despised her.

The reason I despise her is so seemingly petty, it's idiotic, I *KNOW* it's idiotic. Opinions differ and yadda yadda yadda etcetera. Yet it doesn't change a good goddamn thing. Should I ever meet her in person I'd be hard pressed to avoid throttling her. Every word out of her mouth is like nails on a chalk board, her every opinion now makes me want to contradict her even when I agree. It's maddening and frustrating and funny as hell when I'm not so mad I could chew nails and spit bullets.

I run into one major problem however. A moral quandry of sorts. I head the community to which this girl belongs and the place in which she squashed my last nerve. I run it, I have absolute power over what is done...and this is the part that sucks. I'm fair, or at least I try to be. I may want to skin this bitch and use her tanned hide as a bath mat but I can't ban her from my community because that would be unfair and in the strctest sense of the rules, she hasn't broken one. It would be an unfair abuse of power and GODDAMN but that sucks harder than a Hoover up a camels ass.


I'd love to ban her, to piss on her parade, I'd love to stalk her through LJ and troll her like a 13 year old. Yet because I am a mod, I can't. If I expect other people to live by the rules I set I have to put on my big girl panties and suck it the fuck up.



.....but that doesn't mean I can't whine in my LJ about it, so Nyah Nyah.

Hey. Made it to Canada in once piece, am very tired. Will hopefully see you soon.


*collapse*

The_13th_muse

I hate with a burning fiery passion people that abuse others, be it children or animals or the elderly or even eachother. It's wrong, it's wrong to hurt someone else through neglect or malice or anger for no other reason than the fact that you're stronger than them...so you can. I think most people would agree with me on this. Yet I take this hate a step further, I also hate the people that make that kind of abuse possible. The people who sit back and feel guilty but say nothing. The people who let the abuse go on and on, let irreparable damage be done while they twiddle their thumbs and debate doing something, notifying someone. Soothing their conciences with the thought that they'll call soon, just a few more days..just another week, nothing bad can happen in that time right?

I hate people who make petty excuses for doing something so fucking open handedly evil. I hope Karma jumps up and swallows their lives whole, I hope they have misery for the rest of their goddamn lives because knowing something is wrong and standing by and letting it happen is as bad as doing it yourself. That's even how the law sees it, if you stand by and watch someone kill someone, it doesn't matter if you pull the trigger yourself, you're just as guilty.

I don't care how hard you think your life is at the moment, I don't care if the one doing the abusing is your Father, Mother, Sister, Boyfriend ,Girlfriend, Best Friend or your fucking Great Aunt Trudy. You don't wait to report things like this, you don't wait to do something because if you do you run the risk of having someone's death on your concience forever. Someone helpless, someone who couldn't make it stop alone who needed you to helpl them..and you didn't. You just let it happen because you were too big of a coward to stand up and say STOP.

I'm a murderer.

In my heart and for the rest of my life I will always know that I am a murderer, I didn't hold the bat that sent her ribs through her lungs, I didn't rape her myself but I killed her none the less because I didn't say anything...because I knew what he was doing to her and I didn't say anything to help.

I had a friend in high school, she was wonderful..this tiny sweet girl with the biggest smile you ever saw and these big brown eyes that would turn you into goo if she looked at you funny. She was so tiny, she was my age and stood exactly at my shoulder and weighed maybe 90 pounds soaking wet. She was the sweetest person I ever knew, she loved pokemon and cheesy anime and she liked the square school pizza best the same as me.

We'd share headphones at lunch and finish eachothers sentances and one day she told me an awful awful secret. Her father hurt her, he hit her and did things to her and she was so scared sometimes she couldn't sleep. She showed me her scars and bruises and I held her and petted her hair and I kept that fucking secret..until one day she didn't come to school. She kept not coming...and I finally called her house after 4 days, just like she told me to if I got worried. Her mother told me that she was dead...and how she died. I didn't say anything and she died and it was *my fault* because I knew..I knew and didn't stop it.

I'll carry that with me the rest of my life. She was my best friend and I let her die, so don't you DARE fucking tell me that I don't understand. I don't need to, I know the consequences of standing by and saying nothing while something so evil happens. " Evil Prospers when good men do nothing" isn't that the quote? I know what I did, but I also know that I'll never do it again. I've reported people since, once I actually cornered a woman at the bus stop long enough for the police to get there and take her son from her. You never expect someone to do something evil, but it happens...it happens and kicking yourself later doesn't make it right.


Letting someone suffer because you're too chickenshit to do something about it is so wrong it burns me up inside and every time I hear of someone that does it it eats me up until I'm so angry I think I just might crack and go postal on someone.

I'll settle for this though.

There are only three real things people can do online to really hurt me. Just three. It seems lately that the world has decided to make me hate the people in in. Three people in the past month have done this to me. Just dissapeared one day, or started ignoring me...people I considered friends. It's hurtful and I wonder what posesses people to do it. Is it really so hard to just outright TELL someone that you don't want to be friends anymore? Is it hard to say...


" Look, dude..you're cool and all but not really the kind of person I want to talk to. Leave me alone, kay? " It's easy, then I don't feel dumb and hurt and wonder what's going on. I don't feel concerned or paranoid wondering if it's sopmething I've done. I understand that the friendship is over and I don;t bother you again. Simple.

But no. People won't do this. They Block your SN, so you can't see them even though you know that they're online. Which hurts, because you wonder if they're okay or if you said something to hurt their feelings.

Alternately if they DO come online, they still pretend to like you but ignore you after a reply or two. It feels like shit, like suddenly you just arn't good enough anymore. It's hurtful and I hate it.

Or, they'll say that they're your friend, then snark about you behind your back to other people.

So stop it. Really. Just stop. If you don't like someone anymore, just say so. I know in my case I won't wig out or loose my mind. I understand that people grow apart and so do intrests. But what I don't understand is being treated like crap by people I consider friends. THAT , I hope I NEVER understand.

If anything lately my life has fallen into a sort of ambivelent drone. One day is pretty much like the next, and the next and the next after that. I've been depressive for most of my life and over the years I've learned to pretty much spot when the bad times are coming. It's like watching a storm roll in on an august night. You can feel the hot wind on your face , smell the ozone in the air but there's nothing you can really do about it but go inside and hope it doesn't damage anything too badly. I can see it coming, I can anticipate it's arrival but I still can't do a goddamn thing about it.

It's scary, watching the sands in the hourglass of your sanity run out, it feels like having your energy slowly sucked out by some gigantic vampire; leaving you a withered up husk of the person you used to be. I feel it happening and I can't stop it. It's a little like drowning really...only you know it's happening and if you're like me, and have had it happen before you know what's on the other side. The storm itself isn't a pretty place to be, especially for me...I have more problems than just severe depression. For all you guys out there going "WTF, It's just feeling mopy for a while..no big deal." Deperession isn't a simple thing, it's..a loss a terrible, soul crushing loss, you loose your ambition, your energy, your creativity.

It even crushes your will to be anything appoching human. All you do is exist, exist until the pain of existing is simply too fucking much and then you try and end it. It kills. Over the years I've learned to pretty much time my hospital stays so that I can't hurt myself. That's all I can do. That and hope that there's light on the other side. I have to batten down the hatches of my soul and lash myself to the wheel and hope to navigate my way through one more storm, all the while knowing that even if I make it through this one, there is always going to be another just on the horizion. So I sail on, I face the storm and hope I make it. My mother didn't, she put a gun to her chest and blew a hole in her heart. My three uncles didn't, each one killed themselves. My family is littered with the people who crashed on the rocks of their own personal killing reef, people who never made it back to the other side.

I'm waiting on my horizon.

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
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Hiya everybody! It’s time for another magical and fun filled trip to Tisha’s Krazy Korner. I’m Tisha and I’ll be your guide to the wild and wacky world of the clinically insane. Remember to keep your hands and arms and other body parts inside the vehicle at all times. Here we go!


( Let's do the Timewarp again.... )

Welcome Back everyone! For yet another fine edition of Tisha’s Krazy Korner. Today I’m gonna elaborate on one of the patients we all know and love. Melina and her Chair of Doom. I hope you enjoy this installment as much as you did the last.


( “Melina :: “ I like you like a girlfriend, Die you Honky Bitch.” “ )